Registries. RSVPs. Tacky bow bouquets and pink shot glasses. Lather, rinse, repeat.
I'm in that awkward stage that happens in your 20's where every season is wedding season.
Seems many of my friends are already married, engaged, or talking about getting married. Totally normal in our age bracket. It can also be totally annoying.
I'm not one of those bitter single girls. I don't have a wedding dress picked out and posted on my fridge, waiting for 'the one' to pop the question. However, I do think that some (not ALL) girls let being married to go their head in a bad way. There's an heir of pretentiousness that I don't understand at all. And some of the things they say are even more confusing.
Women give other women some pretty horrible advice.
I spent part of my weekend at a bridal shower for a dear friend here in Naples. The event was held at a club house in a gated community next to tennis courts and a private pool. Caterers served quarter-sized bites of food in 8-minute intervals while Celine Dion played in the stereo. The ratio of single girls to married/engaged girls was about 3:20. Pass the champagne, please.
We played this little game where you had to write anonymous advice onto little cards and the bride had to guess who each tidbit was from. There were two categories-- Sweet Advice (mine- always stay best friends) and Sexy Advice (mine- be selfish. What? That's legit...). Let's just say not everyone hit the nail on the head with advice quite the way I did.
Among the worst--
"Make him think it was his idea."
"Have sex to get him to do the dishes."
"Let him believe he's right, even when he's not."
I was well aware of the disgusted look I had on my face. I couldn't help it. That's HORRIBLE advice, single or not. I looked around the room and saw a group of beautiful, intelligent, strong-willed women with great big personalities who apparently thought unnecessary lying and manipulation was the key to successful relationships. And for them, it is. But I'm not that kind of girl... and I would never tell my friends to be that way, either.
Why would you ever let a man believe he's right when he's clearly wrong? How is he going to learn what's right? That seems awfully counterproductive and a recipe for being miserable right up until the moment when you snap and tell it like it is. It all sounded dishonest and shady.
It made me think of all the unsolicited bad advice women get on a daily basis. One of my best friends just recently read an awful book titled "Settling For Mr. Good Enough" or something like that. She didn't seek out the book-- her sister gave it to her. Thanks, sis.
The author; a 40-something, single woman who has never been married but seems to think she's fit to teach other single girls how to get a ring on it. The premise, according to my friend (I'd never read that garbage), is that you shouldn't disregard men because of 'little things' that drive you nuts about them-- like unattractiveness or an annoying mother. In a sentence: It's okay to settle.
She's seriously trying to get me to read it. I think it's blasphemy. If you're like me, you don't settle in your career, you don't settle with the people you decide to be friends with... why would you EVER settle on a man?
The shower wasn't the only event I attended this weekend among a group of women and dozens of drinks. I randomly got connected with my sorority's local alumni group recently and its first event was a wine tasting with artisan appetizers. The food was light; the drinks were heavy. Aside from one friend in her 30s, I was the youngest person there by a good 30 years. They were all amazed at the heels I was able to wear and the fact that I had Internet on my phone. They all had a son, client, or family friend they wanted to hook me up with.
A lot of small talk and wine later, I realized advice from this age bracket was a lot more practical than that given out at a 20-something's bridal shower. Most of these women are going through their first divorce or are on their second marriage and employ the same no-bullshit approach that I do to life.
Among the best--
"Don't rush the search for a husband."
"Value your girlfriends."
"Whatever you do... Dear Lord, don't get pregnant."
Now that's advice I can get behind.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
High School Is Not Forever
I should be sleeping.
I should, at the very least, be getting ready to sleep.
I usually do a pretty good job of leaving work at work. There are some things heavy on my mind tonight.
I should be sleeping, because I have to be in early tomorrow to see a 14-year-old accused of killing a fellow student have his first appearance in court.
This is the second time in a month and a half that a 14-year-old kid from the same high school is accused of taking another's life. Last month I spent a long, exhausting and emotional day covering the most horrific story of a 14-year-old accused of shooting both of his parents to death. Today, one of his classmates was arrested after allegedly stabbing a 16-year-old to death at the bus stop-- on the same street as the prior event, no less. It felt eerily similar. My heart aches for these kids.
14.
Do you remember being 14? What you were like? Freshman year seems so long ago.
My upcoming birthday will mark a full decade since I was that naive age. I don't think my 14-year-old self ever believed I'd turn 24. I know I didn't think that wifebeaters would ever go out of style (and yes, I actually believed they WERE in style...)
I've been thinking a lot about teenagers lately.
Just last weekend, I went out to dinner with the mom and one of the girls I nannied for in the summer of 2005. She was 9 when I first met her; she's now a teen. 15 going on 30. Her friend was along, too-- a girl I had never met but learned all about via Facebook. Sweet, beautiful, fun teen girl.
Her classmates hate her.
The two friends, unfortunately, have to go to different schools. The one I nannied for goes to a private Catholic high school, while the other goes to public. Apparently, this public school is very cliquey (what high school isn't?) and the now-sophomore spent her entire first year and a half of her four-year stretch crying herself to sleep every night. Girls are mean to her. They won't talk to her-- even those she cheerleads with every day. She's begged and cried to her parents about switching schools to no avail. She's miserable and lonely. And I suspect it doesn't stop when she leaves school for the day.
I don't mean to sound like an old lady- but times have changed since I was a kid. In high school, I remember having to 'dial-up' to use the internet and MSN Messenger was the hottest thing around. No one had heard of Facebook and only the very coolest people had Myspace (ugh, Myspace). Now, not only can anyone post anything they want about you on Facebook, but they can do the same on Twitter, Formspring, and God knows what else teens are into these days.
Last week the Today Show was in town picking up on one of our local stories; two high school girls were arrested for harrassing a classmate online; apparently using photoshop to put her face on lewd photos and posting them for all to see online. How humiliating.
The reports on national news of online bullying should be a warning-- this stuff is only going to get worse. How many suicides, or girls who cry themselves to sleep every night, will it take before we all stand up and say stop?
Even without modern marvels we all use on a daily basis now, I think I speak for everyone when I say being a teen sucks. Everything is the end of the world. If your friend doesn't sit with you at lunch, you obviously are the most unpopular person in the class. If your crush doesn't smile at you in the hall, you clearly look like crap that day. And if you get a bad grade on that test, you probably won't get into college. Your body is changing, your friends are changing, the relationship you have with your family is changing... you have to make very adult decisions like 'what do you want to do for the rest of your life', even though you can't imagine the next year of it.
The kind of pressure I felt in college, in my first job, on a daily deadline basis-- none of it compares to being 14.
We lost a few friends in the Class of 2004 to suicide. 2 friends in the matter of a few months; bringing our class total to just 37 students. That's a tough statistic in such a small group. We all felt it. Today, I feel it again for the kids in the freshman class of the high school I've mentioned.
If any teen is reading this-- I know it sounds cliche, but things will get better. High school is such a tiny, miniscule portion of your life; as an adult, I'm not supposed to tell you this, but most of your experiences in high school WILL NOT MATTER in ten years. As someone who is about to hit that milestone, I can tell you the only thing I did in my teen years that impacts my life now was getting a tattoo on senior skip day (that's permanent).
Please keep the families and friends of all the teens I've mentioned in your thoughts-- they may seem tough as nails, but if you remember what being a teen was like, you know they need all the love and support they can get.
Be kind.
I should, at the very least, be getting ready to sleep.
I usually do a pretty good job of leaving work at work. There are some things heavy on my mind tonight.
I should be sleeping, because I have to be in early tomorrow to see a 14-year-old accused of killing a fellow student have his first appearance in court.
This is the second time in a month and a half that a 14-year-old kid from the same high school is accused of taking another's life. Last month I spent a long, exhausting and emotional day covering the most horrific story of a 14-year-old accused of shooting both of his parents to death. Today, one of his classmates was arrested after allegedly stabbing a 16-year-old to death at the bus stop-- on the same street as the prior event, no less. It felt eerily similar. My heart aches for these kids.
14.
Do you remember being 14? What you were like? Freshman year seems so long ago.
My upcoming birthday will mark a full decade since I was that naive age. I don't think my 14-year-old self ever believed I'd turn 24. I know I didn't think that wifebeaters would ever go out of style (and yes, I actually believed they WERE in style...)
I've been thinking a lot about teenagers lately.
Just last weekend, I went out to dinner with the mom and one of the girls I nannied for in the summer of 2005. She was 9 when I first met her; she's now a teen. 15 going on 30. Her friend was along, too-- a girl I had never met but learned all about via Facebook. Sweet, beautiful, fun teen girl.
Her classmates hate her.
The two friends, unfortunately, have to go to different schools. The one I nannied for goes to a private Catholic high school, while the other goes to public. Apparently, this public school is very cliquey (what high school isn't?) and the now-sophomore spent her entire first year and a half of her four-year stretch crying herself to sleep every night. Girls are mean to her. They won't talk to her-- even those she cheerleads with every day. She's begged and cried to her parents about switching schools to no avail. She's miserable and lonely. And I suspect it doesn't stop when she leaves school for the day.
I don't mean to sound like an old lady- but times have changed since I was a kid. In high school, I remember having to 'dial-up' to use the internet and MSN Messenger was the hottest thing around. No one had heard of Facebook and only the very coolest people had Myspace (ugh, Myspace). Now, not only can anyone post anything they want about you on Facebook, but they can do the same on Twitter, Formspring, and God knows what else teens are into these days.
Last week the Today Show was in town picking up on one of our local stories; two high school girls were arrested for harrassing a classmate online; apparently using photoshop to put her face on lewd photos and posting them for all to see online. How humiliating.
The reports on national news of online bullying should be a warning-- this stuff is only going to get worse. How many suicides, or girls who cry themselves to sleep every night, will it take before we all stand up and say stop?
Even without modern marvels we all use on a daily basis now, I think I speak for everyone when I say being a teen sucks. Everything is the end of the world. If your friend doesn't sit with you at lunch, you obviously are the most unpopular person in the class. If your crush doesn't smile at you in the hall, you clearly look like crap that day. And if you get a bad grade on that test, you probably won't get into college. Your body is changing, your friends are changing, the relationship you have with your family is changing... you have to make very adult decisions like 'what do you want to do for the rest of your life', even though you can't imagine the next year of it.
The kind of pressure I felt in college, in my first job, on a daily deadline basis-- none of it compares to being 14.
We lost a few friends in the Class of 2004 to suicide. 2 friends in the matter of a few months; bringing our class total to just 37 students. That's a tough statistic in such a small group. We all felt it. Today, I feel it again for the kids in the freshman class of the high school I've mentioned.
If any teen is reading this-- I know it sounds cliche, but things will get better. High school is such a tiny, miniscule portion of your life; as an adult, I'm not supposed to tell you this, but most of your experiences in high school WILL NOT MATTER in ten years. As someone who is about to hit that milestone, I can tell you the only thing I did in my teen years that impacts my life now was getting a tattoo on senior skip day (that's permanent).
Please keep the families and friends of all the teens I've mentioned in your thoughts-- they may seem tough as nails, but if you remember what being a teen was like, you know they need all the love and support they can get.
Be kind.
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